I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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