I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
