Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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