Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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