brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
