this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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