So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
