I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
