His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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