so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
