just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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