i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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