im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
