And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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