i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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