It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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