I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i will never coherently bang her
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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