Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
