Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
