"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
