I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
