Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
