I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
