i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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