I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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