Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
