I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Randomize
