I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
