Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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