Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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