If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
