She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
