I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm passing your future prison.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
