Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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