i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize