It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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