it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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