He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
