One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We need to get me chipped asap
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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