So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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