Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
