If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
