I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
