I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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