Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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