i jhust puked up my retainher.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
