if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I came so hard my ears popped.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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