I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
