i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
