I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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