you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
