O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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