Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Randomize
