3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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