To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
