So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize