Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
