3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
