are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
