i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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