There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
