Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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