Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
