Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
