i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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