if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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