she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
