so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize