No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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