someone threw a dead crab at me
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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