Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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