I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
