if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize