A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
