Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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