Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
