So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Well I just put wine in my tea
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize