Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
