If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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