I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
