i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
