Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize