NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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