If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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