I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
