My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize