you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
