Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
