Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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