The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
