Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
