She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
