he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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