like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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